Friendship Based on Self-Interest.

Salaam.

Salaam.

Some relationships, whether consciously or subconsciously, are based on self interest. Some people, who feel an excitement when they meet a person whom they hope to benefit from, interpret this excitement as "love". However, in truth it is no more than an "affected desire" for what that person has. In fact, such love often depends on the level of the "loved" person's wealth and status.
Wealth excites people, and thus the most excitement is felt towards the wealthiest person. As mentioned earlier, this type of excitement is nothing but an attachment to worldly interests. Rich people are not "loved" primarily for their morals and characteristics, thus always seem to have many "friends" even if they are easily angered, rude, selfish, illogical, merciless, always looking for gain, insincere, or even thoughtless.
Some people want to be with those who entertain them: "A person who likes me should be able to make me laugh." As a result, any resulting closeness is based on a deluded self-interest, for enjoying to be with a person who makes you laugh and feel happy is not the same as loving that person. However, because many people mistake the relief they feel for having gained something for love, they claim that they love that person very much.
Other people assume that being around good people will raise their esteem. As a result, they will select "good" people to befriend, considering their physical features such as height, the color of their eyes and hair. Often, such people can see only the other person's physical beauty, and not their intelligence, conscience, or characteristics. They do not consider these aspects important because they claim that their love has "blinded" them. However, this "love" means "I love the esteem this person's beauty earns me." Apart from that person's beauty, his or her spirit does not mean anything to them. Just because he or she is beautiful, many inappropriate and undesirable
particularities such as being merciless, insensitive, or scornful may totally be ignored.
Another important type of self-interest is trying to secure one's future by getting married. Many people fear living alone, being unable to support themselves, or of having no one to look after them when they are sick. Some people seek to abolish all such fears by getting married. For this reason, they attach themselves to the most promising person in this regards and convince themselves that they have fallen in "love".
For the rest of their lives, they share their pains and complaints about their spouse with their neighbours
and relatives. But when asked why they stay with that person, they claim to love them very much. However, the Qur'an and it's value system say that love should expect nothing in return. People should love other people sincerely, which involves personal sacrifice and expecting nothing in return, for that person is a manifestation of Allah. They should never back-bite, but, as a result of this sincere love, should only speak well of them. They don't obligatorily "tolerate" the others for they treat one another with compassion and mercy, cover up their misgivings, try to make them feel at ease, and respond to every need as best as they can. Sincere love, friendship and closeness are best demonstrated through these actions.

Coined from one of my favourite books. "Love of Allah" by Harun Yahya.

Till next time again. Salaam!

The Fighting Couple.

Salaam,

A few weeks back, my aunt called my mom to report her two sons. Saying they gave her a huge scare the previous night when they started fighting over something as little as a T-shirt. These were two young boys in their late teens, with so much youthful energy to throw around.

The next day, i met with one of my cousins, the younger one of the two brothers. He narrated his version of what happened as I simply watched and listened. I noticed he was full of regrets. He
wished he hadn't fought with his elder brother, he wasn't proud of the way and manner he had behaved, he cared about his elder brother and he had learnt his lessons.

 I told him a short story about two very good friends at my former place of work. These  women had been friends for years, even before I got that job, so I was told. One fateful morning they had a quarrel over the 'photocopier  machine', they reigned insults on one another and said all sorts of rubbish. From where I sat I watched it all, this are two friends I thought.
We were finally able to get them to calm down. Then I spoke to them separately afterwards. They both had regrets, shame, disgust and guilt written all over their faces about how they had acted. The one who started the quarrel said she could have just gone to the other privately to express her dissatisfaction of how she had used the photocopier machine and the other lady knew she could have responded in a much better way. If they had acted as friends truly would, the heated argument wouldn't have happened and they would not have embarrassed themselves in front of their  colleagues.

Most times, arguments and quarrels are inevitable, especially between couples. But the way and manner in which it is handled, is what will affect the results gotten.
In the case of my cousins, I can't say they won't fight again, but I can only say that they are sure to learn something from each other after every fight, until they become mature enough to figure out better ways of handling issues.

A married couple, comprises of a mature male and female. Who are never to fight, but can very well argue every now and then as long as it's an healthy argument and after which, one spouse is better aware of the stand point of the other spouse on that particular issue and they both decide to arrive at a solution point so that an argument on that same topic mostly never occurs again.

It is not healthy for a couple to go to bed after a
heated argument, without bringing it to a conclusive resolve, since both of them are still angry as a result of the conversation. Even the Holy Qur'an instructs us to 'never let the sun come down on us, while still in a state of anger'.

 I always advice my married friends that they should ensure they never carry an argument over till the next day. As each day comes with its own challenges and it would only make the marriage much more difficult when issues are compiled.

When a couple  resolves the issues of the day before that day ends and before falling asleep, that couple is sure to have a goodnight rest and is expected to wake-up with smiles on their faces as they say 'Salaam' to one another. As one will have no anger or grudge against the other.

Communication Is very key in all aspects of life and especially in Marriages. Couples must always be there for each other and should remember that their spouse is their best friend and confidant and must be treated as such.
When there is a communication gap in a marriage, lots of things could go wrong. Many of which might even lead to the dissolution of that marriage.

When two people decide to get married, they should
be aware of the challenges they would face and be prepared to surmount them together. Togetherness in marriage is key. That way, one spouse doesn't feel alone in the marriage and begins to find solace outside of their home.
Many Marriages get dissolved these days because the couples expect it to be Perfect. There is no perfect marriage any where. Because humans are simply not perfect, so a couple must be ready to make sacrifices in order to get a union that pleases them and Allah (SWT).

Now let's talk about prayers. Nothing succeeds in life without the interference of Allah (SWT). A couple that pray together will have their paths made easy for them insha'Allah.
And remember, no matter what, it should never result to a fight (physical combat). Violence has never been a solution to anything.

Till next time again.
Salaam!

Our New Nigeria

Salaam.

Let me start by making clear the fact that, I have never before now been interested in politics. But there was something about this year's presidential elections, that got me so involved.
I guess it became paramount to me and millions of other Nigerians that if we want the next four years to be nothing like the last four years we've experienced, we had to make a change. Over this period many lives have been lost, that we Infact felt lucky to be alive.

Another reason for this, must have been the comments by some American and other world leaders that 'Come 2015 there will no longer be a Nigeria'. When I first heard this sometime in 2014, i'm sure I must have laughed. But it was no longer funny when the insurgency situation in the Northern parts of Nigeria became worse.
Thousands of lives were lost almost everyday. It became clear that the 'so-called' revelation could actually come to pass if we didn't all stand together for a change.
For 16years we have endured. The bills kept coming from the power company, yet we had no electricity. Thousands of graduates from our tertiary institutions yearly, and no jobs. Hundreds of female children abducted by the insurgents for almost a year now are yet to be found and re-united with their families. Our brothers and sisters are being killed on a daily. We just couldn't take it anymore. Who would be next? No one knew.
The 2015 presidential elections, was our opportunity.
 To bring upon us that change we've been yearning for. The Change which our entire existence depended
 on. The incumbent had nothing more to offer. Even the little we had have been taken from us.

The General Muhammadu Buhari, saw through the hearts of the people. Even though he has been contesting for close to 12years, he knew he couldn't give up now. For he knew that if he did, Who then would give the people the change they clamour for?

I saw I different Nigeria during the elections. A Nigeria that was ready to fight, a Nigeria that was suddenly filled with hope.

Alas, we fought this all important battle with no other weapon but our thumbs. We voted The General. We voted for Change. The efforts of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) must be commended. The Chairman of INEC Attahiru Jega, constantly reassured the people that the process would be credible, free and fair and that our votes would count.  

He showed strength, resilience and calmness all through the process. With our PVCs we voted. And for once, our votes counted.

Together we will work with The General, Our Newly elected President. As we journey into our New Nigeria.

God Bless Nigeria.
Our New Nigeria.